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Rytha Rytha Lew Chiu Min 劉秋敏 21/06/1994 lionheaddragonclaw@hotmail.com Nan Chiau Primary School(graduated) Peicai Secondary School 4F '10 Female Past Interact Club President NCC(Sea) Staff Sergeant Kayaker Adidas Lover [In my world, take backs only happen once.] [You found my blog? Good, that means you know where you stand.] |
I have a mouth for a reason
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| a monster that make boys cry | |
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Sunday, August 16, 2009 9:09 PM
I'm really sorry to have to say this but it's what's hurting me most. I'm also sorry to say this to my honey but I've really got to let it out. Please read it. I'm sorry if I'm going to be very long winded.... I'm just so upset with you now. I know it's unfair for me to say so but I really feel like I've given up almost everything in my life for you. And it's like you don't even dare to give up anything for me. I hate that. And it just hurts. Everyone thinks that you're you, that's why you are so unemotional and dense. Or maybe just plain stupid. I just feel like you aren't willing enough to give up anything to be with me. When you asked for webcam, I went online and just so I could talk to you. But you just told me the next moment that you couldn't talk. And for what? So that you could think of something that you wouldn't tell me. ... You told me that I could tell you anything. I did tell you everything. I'm even able to let you go so much deeper into me than anyone else. But now you are always hiding things from me and I just don't like it. I just want you to talk to me. About anything to me. But you won't. And I just hate it. And everytime when you told me everytime I do something wrong, when I say sorry, you just say the same thing. "Everytime you do it then say sorry de, it's always like that." And when you say sorry, it's like I have to forgive you and forget about it. I just want you to tell me everything. And I mean everything. ... Another thing. I love you a lot. You should know that. And I pray that you love me too. I just pray you do. But you don't seem to love me anymore. You don't even want to tell me that you love me anymore, and every night, I stay up trying not to cry, thinking and praying that you still love me. ... I love you. And I gave up almost everything. I let go of so many things just to be with you. I rejected many many guys, telling them I loved no one else but you. I have never loved anyone this much, not even God. I lost many good men. I know that you love me, I just pray you do, but I want you to show me, even when I'm not around. You won't even sms me that you love me. I know I keep telling you that I just want to know that you love me, but it's isn't. ... You wouldn't even spare a few more minutes with me. And you couldn't even wait 15 more minutes when my meeting was dragged. I was fine to skip a few meetings and also dinner with my grandma and also wait over 5 hours just to spend the next half an hour with you. I was totally fine with that, because I always feared that may be my last time I might see you. Do you know how much it is to just sacrifice for you? Or just to even waste my time and energy on you? It hurts, and it hurts real bad. ... I know your reputation in school is bad enough. Or just quite bad. And I know that it's not getting better. But I just want you to stop listening to the stupid idiots who talk about you. It's just dumb. I am proud enough to tell everyone that you're my boyfriend and that I love you a lot. But why can't you just do the same for me? And one more thing. Your parents. Why won't you just talk to them? Or get someone older to talk to them? Like David? He's willing to help. So is everyone. Just try doing something for me for once. Just for me. ... I love you, and I mean a lot. I just want you to know that. I just want to know that you love me too. And that you're willing to give up anything for me. You know how important this installation is to me. I just hope that you'll be there. Just for me. ... I love you. Labels: it would be a great miracle if I didn't cry every night for you. |
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