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Rytha Rytha Lew Chiu Min 劉秋敏 21/06/1994 lionheaddragonclaw@hotmail.com Nan Chiau Primary School(graduated) Peicai Secondary School 4F '10 Female Past Interact Club President NCC(Sea) Staff Sergeant Kayaker Adidas Lover [In my world, take backs only happen once.] [You found my blog? Good, that means you know where you stand.] |
I have a mouth for a reason
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| a monster that make boys cry | |
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009 8:03 PM
I gave up so much for you. I love you so much. I thought you cared about how I felt. Why must you do this to me? Don't listen to stupid people who tell you the wrong things. I can't believe you're able to just let me go like that. You don't really know how I feel right? You don't know how much pain I'm going through, how many days and nights I've been crying just to make you think twice. It hurts me right now and I don't want to hurt so much anymore. I love you. I don't want to seperate from you. You're so harsh to me don't you know that? And do you know how hurt I felt when you said all this on our anniversary? And that you would rather go to Natalie instead of me. Don't bother asking if I'm alright. Because you won't even say good morning or goodnight to me. I wish I could say that I'm fine without you, but I'm just suffering so much depression whether I liked it or not. You don't even have the balls to see me. If you love me, you would atleast say sorry. I don't know if I can suffer one over year just to wait for you. It hurts me enough already now, and it'll continue hurting until you think things over. I can't believe you would just leave me like that. If you love me, you would change your mind. Or I'll really take things into my own hands.... I DON'T WANT TO KEEP ON CRYING EVERY NIGHT JUST TO KNOW YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. Sunday, August 16, 2009 9:09 PM
I'm really sorry to have to say this but it's what's hurting me most. I'm also sorry to say this to my honey but I've really got to let it out. Please read it. I'm sorry if I'm going to be very long winded.... I'm just so upset with you now. I know it's unfair for me to say so but I really feel like I've given up almost everything in my life for you. And it's like you don't even dare to give up anything for me. I hate that. And it just hurts. Everyone thinks that you're you, that's why you are so unemotional and dense. Or maybe just plain stupid. I just feel like you aren't willing enough to give up anything to be with me. When you asked for webcam, I went online and just so I could talk to you. But you just told me the next moment that you couldn't talk. And for what? So that you could think of something that you wouldn't tell me. ... You told me that I could tell you anything. I did tell you everything. I'm even able to let you go so much deeper into me than anyone else. But now you are always hiding things from me and I just don't like it. I just want you to talk to me. About anything to me. But you won't. And I just hate it. And everytime when you told me everytime I do something wrong, when I say sorry, you just say the same thing. "Everytime you do it then say sorry de, it's always like that." And when you say sorry, it's like I have to forgive you and forget about it. I just want you to tell me everything. And I mean everything. ... Another thing. I love you a lot. You should know that. And I pray that you love me too. I just pray you do. But you don't seem to love me anymore. You don't even want to tell me that you love me anymore, and every night, I stay up trying not to cry, thinking and praying that you still love me. ... I love you. And I gave up almost everything. I let go of so many things just to be with you. I rejected many many guys, telling them I loved no one else but you. I have never loved anyone this much, not even God. I lost many good men. I know that you love me, I just pray you do, but I want you to show me, even when I'm not around. You won't even sms me that you love me. I know I keep telling you that I just want to know that you love me, but it's isn't. ... You wouldn't even spare a few more minutes with me. And you couldn't even wait 15 more minutes when my meeting was dragged. I was fine to skip a few meetings and also dinner with my grandma and also wait over 5 hours just to spend the next half an hour with you. I was totally fine with that, because I always feared that may be my last time I might see you. Do you know how much it is to just sacrifice for you? Or just to even waste my time and energy on you? It hurts, and it hurts real bad. ... I know your reputation in school is bad enough. Or just quite bad. And I know that it's not getting better. But I just want you to stop listening to the stupid idiots who talk about you. It's just dumb. I am proud enough to tell everyone that you're my boyfriend and that I love you a lot. But why can't you just do the same for me? And one more thing. Your parents. Why won't you just talk to them? Or get someone older to talk to them? Like David? He's willing to help. So is everyone. Just try doing something for me for once. Just for me. ... I love you, and I mean a lot. I just want you to know that. I just want to know that you love me too. And that you're willing to give up anything for me. You know how important this installation is to me. I just hope that you'll be there. Just for me. ... I love you. Labels: it would be a great miracle if I didn't cry every night for you. Thursday, August 6, 2009 1:02 PM
Tomorrow is NDP. I'm in charge. My interact installation is on 22nd too. I've been staying up so late just to finish up everything. It's very tiring, I can assure you. Not everything is going my way also.Well, some stupid asshole went to call my mum. I may not know who you are, but you better watch out. I'm in trouble with my parents all because of you. You're going to get it the moment I find out who you are. Causing me to lose my time with my dear. Or my friends. Or my kors. Or my happiness. Just for your one stupid joke. Well, this is for my parents. They're losing their trust in me. I can't help that. But I have been truthful. But you cannot just take my freedom away from me just like that. I'm not a dog, I'm your daughter. I just want to spend time with my friends without parents spying on me. So what if I have alot of guy friends, is it a sin? It's just how I hang in life. That's how I have fun. They are all my good friends, and what are you to say about that? I'm old enough. Not that I'm that old I just want some freedom. And let me do what I like so that I will not displease you. That's all I want. And stories about me are fake unless I say them. What can't I have what I want until I'm deprived of it when I'm older? Who doesn't want to live life to the fullest? Who won't want to have dreams, friends and freedom? I want my dreams, which is to spend time nicely with my friends. I want my friends, where I can spend my free time with them. I want my freedom, so that everything of mine will just fall in place. That's how I want it. It may not be for anyone else, but it's just nice for me. Stop me. Scold me. Ban me. Do whatever you want. And do not ever talk crap with me that I'm not independent and that my friends are some stupid idiots. They're my friends. And be lucky that you have me as your daughter. I'm not a stupid person, you should be able to see that. If you weren't so blind. Atleast I'm still a virgin. Because of one stupid phone call you parents have to go haywire and say that kind of bullshit that we teenagers already know. I'm not going to come back with a baby. I'm not going to be idiotic like anyone I know. I am me. You as my parents should know that. Plus, you guys should atleast know that I am not a normal girl. You know how tomboyish I am, and how many problems come about when I hang around with girls. That's why I stick with guys. Because they're more fun. They're more alive and active. They're may not be attractive or smart but atleast they care about each other. As my mum says, brothers are always together forever. So why can't we be? I'm not as stupid as to flirt with guys. I am old and mature enough to think for myself. Who are you to judge me? You made me, but I ain't part of you anymore. This is me, not you. Fight me and you might as well say that I'm just some inexperinced stupid kid trying to prove my parents right. I love being who I am. You're taking my own future away from me by stopping me in my own tracks. Parents are suppose to guide, not to lead. Don't ever take my leading away from me. My future is what I love to do. My cca, my board, my class stuff and all my friends and kors. Take them away and you will take away my own future, let alone me. I'm being as resonable as ever. So do not ever talk to me like that ever again. You look down on me as being a cheap girl just because I spend time more with guys. That's just blind and stupid. You tell me shit and I don't listen, then you call me unfilial. I should be calling you irritating blind idiots, but I don't because you are my parents. If you ever find this, make sure you read this and read it well. I don't welcome people who are to ruin my life. So if I'm staying away from you, so be it. I do not care what you will do to me. I shall do what I like and when I like. Do not stop me. I have every right to stop you. Remember, I'm not you're dog. I lead, you guide. You take over, I'm finished. I will never be the daughter you wanted if you ever do that. My freedom is what I need the most. Do not ever take that away just because of some stupid phone call. I hate my parent's blindness. |
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